The Birds

I cannot imagine there being  ANYONE on this planet who hasn't heard of Alfred Hitchcock and his horror movies. The Birds is one I watched when I was very young. I remember being scared and even not liking birds much after that! But never in my life did I ever think I would survive my very own The Birds attack! It happened to me but I survived and am choosing to share my story because it could happen to anyone! But before I get to that, here's a little summary about the movie for any one who's clueless!

It's about a town that gets taken over by these crazy, pill popping, jacked up on sunflower seeds and Mt Dew, birds!  And honestly, I'm not sure what the history is with this town and the birds, but for whatever reason, there's some bad blood between them! These people don't stand a chance, because these birds are full on attack mode!  
New to the town or not, everyone's on their list! They brutally went after anyone and everyone in sight! There was no stopping them...they even PLUCKED out the eyes of a sweet lady! (Um, OUCH!)
Scary that even children weren't safe. In fact, they wanted those kids to suffer more then anyone else! And they had a plan!!

The birds staked out the schoolhouse (that's what it was called in the 60's I guess!) deciding the playground equipment would be their best bet. So they sat there on the monkey bars, watching....waiting...ready to ATTACK! They were hungry for more eyeball juice and they knew exactly where to get it...from all those school children! Every bird knows that children's eyeball juice is the best. (I'm pretty sure I read that it gives them super strength or some magical powers to see the future or something like that!) So the birds patiently waited for the kids to do what the birds knew they would...run out of the school, in a sprint!  And, well, everyone knows you don't run from birds! It only makes them more angry and more hungry for human flesh! (I don't want to blame the kids for being attacked, I mean, no bird should be pecking at a kids face. But come on, they were running!)

And those crazy coked up birds didn't just go for eyes! (Which, I suppose is a good think, considering.) They went for anything they could!  Just look at this little terrified boy! Poor thing already has the mouth of a Clydsdale and now  his ear is being eaten off by a bird. I can only imagine the teasing he got after this! 

And then there's this 'bird attack'...

I'll be honest here...my gut tells me this was no bird attack! I mean check out that wallpaper! That's like 'pay by the hour' motel wallpaper! This 'attack' looks like a client who tried to cheat his date and Big Poppa was not happy about being cheated! He wanted his money! But like I said, that's just speculation on my part!!

Okay, so in the end, the ones who survived and didn't cheat their hooker, packed up and bolted out of town. The birds were left to run the place and  blah, blah, blah. Now, on to the reason for this post...

I LIVED THE BIRDS MOVIE!! 

"Whhhhhaaaaaatttttt?!" You're probably asking, but yeah, I was attacked by birds! Okay, one bird, but it was in my room and bathroom! And okay, so maybe not attacked, but definitely left the situation scared and with a vendetta for birds!! 

So, I causally strolled into my bedroom to here the most ear piercing screetch coming from a bird hitting the window! I ran out screaming and in a panic state, called Nicholas. 

Can you guess his reaction? "Renee, it's just a bird! Get a tennis racket, open the bedroom window and try to push it out!" Um, NOT exactly the answer to my "OMG Nicholas! You have to come home! There's a bird in our room and he's going to attack me!!", cry for help!! Nicholas didn't think I should be so scared, but I had every right to be terrified...remember the children...the eyeballs...the playground! And look at that bird! That's no, "hey friend, I'm just going to calmly fly away now!" No, that's a bird ready to eat my eyes out!

*let me take a moment to say, after about 30mins, I calmed down enough to grab my camera and just randomly started snapping! the pictures, however, do not convey the chaos and fear of that day*

I'm not 100% on this, but I think
he's doing some flexing Trying to get in
my head...it worked!.

LOOK at that...that's a bird ready to STRIKE!

Luckily for me, I had reluctant Jacob who bravely donned his Anikan Skywalker mask and light saber to take on the ferocious, pterodactyl sized bird!

Oh, and Chloe did her best to help! She was mostly brave...but the noise that bird would make usually sent her running under my bed! And eventually I decided she was small enough to be carried off and since Jacob was in the room, I couldn't let him see that happen. So, I put her outside!! (Britain isn't in any of these photos because she was SLEEPING on the couch!! What?! I was doing some serious screaming, I don't know how she did it!)

After a very long and hostile stand off, and many attempts by Jacob to get the bird from the bathroom closet, we decided he wasn't coming out. (Plus, I had cookies to bake!)  We shut my bedroom door with the windows opened and prayed it would leave. About 10 minutes later we went back in and couldn't find him anywhere. I promised Jacob that the crazy bird was definately gone...for good! But trust me, I'm no fool...I know he's hiding, somewhere in or around my house waiting for the right moment to STRIKE again!.
(I swear I can still hear his wings hitting the windows at night!) If that bird comes attacks, it's every man for himself! I have a plan to pull all the covers on me, leaving Nicholas fully exposed! I'm hoping he'll only do some lite pecking, mininally damage, but distracted just enough for me to escape to get Jacob! (HEY! Jacob is the one with the light saber skillz and some MAD Jedi mind tricks! So yeah, I'm okay with him saving me...again!)

Well there it is...that's my real life The Birds story!! Oh that Mr. Hitchcock sure has some great horror movies, but trust me, it doesn't compare to living one...and SURVIVING to tell the tale! And I have a story or twelve two that I could share about living the movie Psycho...but that's for another time!